Rewind and replay button !

I'm up against the wall again. Just nothing to write about . So heres something I took from my discontinued other blog .

No reason....just felt I wanted to post this here. This was posted on 4th. November 2008.



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under: 

It Hurts !

Posted by: sparkplug | November 4, 2008 

 

Okay - i do not know  why I want to write on this. The worst thing for anyone to endure is emotional pain ! The hurt tugs on your heart, making it so heavy and you could feel the muscles being pulled from your chest to  your brain but where the actual spot is — you can never trace.

This evening–I had the unfortunate experience of going through this - again and yet again ! Emotional ? Perhaps. I was reading my sister’s blog on our late Abah. She had a song attached. A singer singing about his long-gone father.

I’ve played the song when her posting first appeared. I didn’t like it !–at all. Reason ? Here was my comment on her blog !

mus said…
I HATE THE SONG ! Because it hurts too much - way too much !! Hurts ! Hurts ! Hurts ! Knowing that pain again !!
Reliving the agony of seeing him on his death bed, laying him to rest, the things we plan but didn’t get to do !
The cheeky smile whenever he won the game of carrom !
IHATE IT ! I HATE IT ! I HATE IT COS IT MADE ME MISS HIM SO –AGAIN !!!!
YOUR BROTHER.
October 24, 2008 4:53 PM

And she replied..
anak si-hamid said…
Sorry Mus, for raking up old pain. But he’s at peace and his
children and their children are doing their best and doing him proud.
October 26, 2008 2:21 AM

This evening , I could kick myself for doing this, but I went through her blog again. BIG MISTAKE !… coz.. depression hit me again . It was a kind of mixed feeling dashing through my mind.

Maybe , being Asians, we tend to hold back on our emotion of love to all our loved ones –family or friends. 

Maybe I regretted for not ever giving him a hug- ever. Maybe I regretted for not telling him how much I love him. Maybe I regretted for taking him for granted - that he would be around forever.  Maybe I regretted …………..My mind went on and on and on.

Oh -it hurts deep…so much….Am I feeling guilty or grieved ? Guilty for all the above , or just grieve after …….

Perhaps I should just go out for a drive so that my mind would be occupied on the road — then I can forget everything, listen to my current favourite songs so that I can superimpose them on my memory AND i will not feel guilty about it….i think…..




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Oh welll---that post was just me at THAT time.... so don't fret !