Friday, March 5, 2010

Rewind and replay button !

I'm up against the wall again. Just nothing to write about . So heres something I took from my discontinued other blog .

No reason....just felt I wanted to post this here. This was posted on 4th. November 2008.


It Hurts !

Posted by: sparkplug | November 4, 2008 
Okay - i do not know  why I want to write on this. The worst thing for anyone to endure is emotional pain ! The hurt tugs on your heart, making it so heavy and you could feel the muscles being pulled from your chest to  your brain but where the actual spot is — you can never trace.

This evening–I had the unfortunate experience of going through this - again and yet again ! Emotional ? Perhaps. I was reading my sister’s blog on our late Abah. She had a song attached. A singer singing about his long-gone father.

I’ve played the song when her posting first appeared. I didn’t like it !–at all. Reason ? Here was my comment on her blog !

mus said…
I HATE THE SONG ! Because it hurts too much - way too much !! Hurts ! Hurts ! Hurts ! Knowing that pain again !!
Reliving the agony of seeing him on his death bed, laying him to rest, the things we plan but didn’t get to do !
The cheeky smile whenever he won the game of carrom !

October 24, 2008 4:53 PM

And she replied..
anak si-hamid said…
Sorry Mus, for raking up old pain. But he’s at peace and his
children and their children are doing their best and doing him proud.

October 26, 2008 2:21 AM

This evening , I could kick myself for doing this, but I went through her blog again. BIG MISTAKE !… coz.. depression hit me again . It was a kind of mixed feeling dashing through my mind.

Maybe , being Asians, we tend to hold back on our emotion of love to all our loved ones –family or friends. 

Maybe I regretted for not ever giving him a hug- ever. Maybe I regretted for not telling him how much I love him. Maybe I regretted for taking him for granted - that he would be around forever.  Maybe I regretted …………..My mind went on and on and on.

Oh -it hurts deep…so much….Am I feeling guilty or grieved ? Guilty for all the above , or just grieve after …….

Perhaps I should just go out for a drive so that my mind would be occupied on the road — then I can forget everything, listen to my current favourite songs so that I can superimpose them on my memory AND i will not feel guilty about it….i think…..

Oh welll---that post was just me at THAT time.... so don't fret !

1 comment:

anak si-hamid said...

Maybe it has to do with being a man and not by being Asian.
The men I know have the same problem of facing mixed feelings when it comes to dealing with bereavement.
More important is how we leave behind our loved ones when it's time to go. I know from mother that Abah was at peace - to be with his Maker and he accepts the circumstances. So should we.