Allegedly from actual resumes as reported by Fortune magazine:
· I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
· I have lurnt WordPerfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheat progroms.
· Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
· Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave.
· Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
· Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
· It's best for employers that I not work with people.
· Let's meet, so you can "ooh" and "aah" over my experience. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
· Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
· I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
· Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
· I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
· I am loyal to my employer at all costs...
· Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
· I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.
· My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
· I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
· As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
· Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
· Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store. Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as "job-hopping." I have never quit a job.
· Marital status: often. Children: various.
· Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
· Finished eighth in my class of ten.
Enjoy it---but don't you copy it !