Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Dont ever ever do this !

Here's something I found from an English Language website . It shows statements written by job-applicants in their resumes.


Allegedly from actual resumes as reported by Fortune magazine:
(Contributor Unkown)

· I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
· I have lurnt WordPerfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheat progroms.
· Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
· Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave.
· Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
· Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
· It's best for employers that I not work with people.
· Let's meet, so you can "ooh" and "aah" over my experience. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
· Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
· I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
· Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
· I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
· I am loyal to my employer at all costs...
· Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
·
· I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.
· My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
· I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
· As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
· Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
· Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store. Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as "job-hopping." I have never quit a job.
· Marital status: often. Children: various.
· Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
· Finished eighth in my class of ten.

Enjoy it---but don't you copy it !

4 comments:

sicKo^ said...

-My Top 5 Fav-

Let's meet, so you can "ooh" and "aah" over my experience. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store. Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as "job-hopping." I have never quit a job.

I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

· Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

sunnysideup said...

Thanks sicko !
My personal favourite of favourites is .

' Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.'

Azhar85 said...

Sir..if i was one of the interviewer..i can say that..it's obvious i will never hired a person who wholly responsible for two failed financial institution..

What a pathetic info is that..are you want to ruin my company in the future?(i will say that in imy mind)...what a jokes nowdays...hahaha...

P/S : My favourite is "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades". I wonder "Do you cheat my friend or you just plainly stupid..either way..you are fired instead of hired..hahahaha"..

shazra said...

hehehe!
cool stuff
i like the marital status part. Must have been in and out of marriages quite often.